A new study shows that over 1/3 of American children are obese. There used to be more skinny children but the fat kids ate them.
Arizona passed a law allowing people to carry handguns into bars. Bartenders will soon be able to serve Bloody Marys made from real bloody Marys.
Russian officials closed all casinos yesterday claiming that gambling isn’t healthy-- ironic coming from the people who invented a lethal version of roulette.
7/1/09
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6/29/09
Bernie Madoff will spend the next 150 years in jail, plenty of time for the man who left so many in the hole to have justice served to his.
6/24/09
A North Dakota woman has been arrested for getting her 6 week-old drunk after she breastfed him while intoxicated. The woman said she tried to get her baby to take a bottle, but he prefers to drink what’s on tap.
South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford, admits he’s been having an affair with a woman in Argentina. Apparently the US has even begun outsourcing its mistresses.
South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford, admits he’s been having an affair with a woman in Argentina. Apparently the US has even begun outsourcing its mistresses.
6/23/09
Jon and Kate’s divorce may have cost the TLC show its chance for an Emmy. However, producers have high hopes for the spin-off series, “How to F*&k Up 8 Children.”
6/22/09
The manager for the band The Black Eyed Peas has been charged with assault after punching celebrity blogger Perez Hilton. Now we know why the peas have black eyes.
6/19/09
The Mexican Navy seized 1967 lbs of cocaine being smuggled inside frozen sharks, giving a whole new meaning to the term blow fish.
Nestle Toll House is recalling its refrigerated cookie dough products after a handful of people became sick. Might have something to do with the recipe on the label: Pre-heat oven. Place cookies on tray. Add delicious E-coli topping. Bake.
Nestle Toll House is recalling its refrigerated cookie dough products after a handful of people became sick. Might have something to do with the recipe on the label: Pre-heat oven. Place cookies on tray. Add delicious E-coli topping. Bake.
6/18/09
PETA is upset at President Obama for killing a fly on camera during an interview. Fortunately this shouldn’t turn into a partisan issue as the fly had both a left and a right wing.
Senator John Ensign is stepping down as chairman of Republican Policy Committee after admitting to an affair with a staffer. Ensign supported Prop 8, insisting marriage be kept the way God intended: between a man, a woman and his mistress.
A Virginia clinic is offering free Botox to unemployed job seekers to help them look younger for interviews. The good news is, even if they don’t get the job, candidates will still appear pleasantly surprised.
Senator John Ensign is stepping down as chairman of Republican Policy Committee after admitting to an affair with a staffer. Ensign supported Prop 8, insisting marriage be kept the way God intended: between a man, a woman and his mistress.
A Virginia clinic is offering free Botox to unemployed job seekers to help them look younger for interviews. The good news is, even if they don’t get the job, candidates will still appear pleasantly surprised.
6/17/09
Eddie Bauer filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The struggling clothing company is in the red financially, though the catalog describes it as more of a scarlet magenta.
A new report says Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids in 2003. Possible side effects for athletes who use steroids are irritability, loss of apatite and multi-million dollar endorsement deals.
President Obama promised the greatest reforms to the financial system since the Great Depression. Also occurring for the first time since the Great Depression? A great depression.
A new report says Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids in 2003. Possible side effects for athletes who use steroids are irritability, loss of apatite and multi-million dollar endorsement deals.
President Obama promised the greatest reforms to the financial system since the Great Depression. Also occurring for the first time since the Great Depression? A great depression.
6/16/09
More than $400,000 worth of jewelry went missing during a magazine photo shoot featuring Lindsey Lohan. Also missing? A good reason why Lohan should be featured in a magazine.
Six New York City moms are suing the makers of Baby Gender Mentor kit after it failed to predict the sex of their unborn babies. The company claims a 99.9% accuracy rate, with a margin error of a penis
The Blarney Stone was rated number one on the list of the world’s “Top 5 Germiest Attractions" for receiving thousands of kisses from strangers everyday. Number 2 on the list? Paris Hilton.
Six New York City moms are suing the makers of Baby Gender Mentor kit after it failed to predict the sex of their unborn babies. The company claims a 99.9% accuracy rate, with a margin error of a penis
The Blarney Stone was rated number one on the list of the world’s “Top 5 Germiest Attractions" for receiving thousands of kisses from strangers everyday. Number 2 on the list? Paris Hilton.
6/15/09
In Iran, the results of the presidential election are so close, each presidential candidate is claiming victory. A little friendly advice: don’t let the US Supreme Court intervene.
Following last week’s controversial presidential election, there has been reports of chaos, violence and bloodshed in the streets of Iran. Oh wait. I'm sorry. That was LA after the Laker's victory.
Six Flags Amusement Park has announced it will file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The park's new slogan will be: More flags, less funds.
An Egyptian man cut off his penis after his parents refused to let him marry a woman from a lower class family. You have to admit, it takes balls to cut off your own penis.
Following last week’s controversial presidential election, there has been reports of chaos, violence and bloodshed in the streets of Iran. Oh wait. I'm sorry. That was LA after the Laker's victory.
Six Flags Amusement Park has announced it will file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The park's new slogan will be: More flags, less funds.
An Egyptian man cut off his penis after his parents refused to let him marry a woman from a lower class family. You have to admit, it takes balls to cut off your own penis.
6/12/09
President Obama has said he the first thing on his agenda today is to sign a bill that will allow the FDA to regulate the production and marketing of tobacco. The second thing is to go outside for a smoke.
A parking space in Boston’s Back Bay just sold for $300,000. When asked where he got the money to buy the spot, the man said he sold his car.
A parking space in Boston’s Back Bay just sold for $300,000. When asked where he got the money to buy the spot, the man said he sold his car.
6/11/09
The World Health Organization has declared Swine Flu as an official pandemic. Congratulations Swine Flu! From your humble beginnings in a tiny Mexican village to the world, you give hope to struggling viral diseases everywhere.
In two days, television stations will stop broadcasting in analogue and begin using digital signals. People with televisions not equipped for the transition may be forced to read, go for a walk or have a conversation for entertainment.
Current IPhone subscribers are outraged as they will be charged a high fee to upgrade to the latest IPhone. Apparently, they neglected to download the “Warn Me Before Apple Tries to F&^* Me in the Ass” application.
On last night’s show, David Letterman apologized for a monologue joke which insinuated Sarah Palin’s daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez during a Yankees game. Alex Rodriguez said he appreciated the apology.
China is refusing to send two Golden Monkeys to the LA Zoo for a primate exhibit. China said LA has to add one baby Panda and a cup of won ton soup to its order to reach the $20,000 minimum for deliveries.
In two days, television stations will stop broadcasting in analogue and begin using digital signals. People with televisions not equipped for the transition may be forced to read, go for a walk or have a conversation for entertainment.
Current IPhone subscribers are outraged as they will be charged a high fee to upgrade to the latest IPhone. Apparently, they neglected to download the “Warn Me Before Apple Tries to F&^* Me in the Ass” application.
On last night’s show, David Letterman apologized for a monologue joke which insinuated Sarah Palin’s daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez during a Yankees game. Alex Rodriguez said he appreciated the apology.
China is refusing to send two Golden Monkeys to the LA Zoo for a primate exhibit. China said LA has to add one baby Panda and a cup of won ton soup to its order to reach the $20,000 minimum for deliveries.